Tenth Period | Heartfelt Histories: A Valentine’s Day Discussion

0:03 well and after a brief hiatus we’re back teaches us that love requires patience a process but for those of us who weren’t who might not join us earlier again I’m Kirk Higgins the senior manager for content here at the Bill of Rights Institute I’m Gary Collett a senior manager of programs here at the Bill of Rights Institute and hello and happy

0:24 Valentine’s Day happy Valentine’s Day and we’re here to talk about love yeah that was our first question is what is what is the point not only of love but also the day right there’s almost two different questions yeah yeah and so the day itself we were going through a little bit of historical origins which comes from the name coming potentially from Saint Valentine that moving forward

0:46 talking about Geoffrey Chaucer the day that that birds find their mate well it could have been it could have an illusionary or it could have been a belief in medieval society that birds actually found their mate on February 14th right so there’s just something in nature right right right and makes sense

1:07 but it became more commercialized moving forward into the the 19th century in particular so you have more industrialization you have the market revolution coming out in industrialization and so material and things are becoming cheaper and so people are able to get more goods and some of those more commercial Goods become more available and so there was

1:29 someone by the name of esther howland who is sometimes called the mother of Valentine’s Day okay who made a business out of creating Valentine’s cards so she had seen her received it’s unclear a Valentine a very elaborate Valentine from a family friend and she saw this thing it was elaborate beautiful and had lace and all kinds of embellishments on

1:51 it she thought well goodness I could make this for for cheaper and produce more of them and so she started doing that and so she started manufacturing these cards in her home and it quickly grew and grew and grew and by the end of the 19th century she’s sending these things out nationwide and she was really a force to be reckoned with and in the greeting card industry kind of took off but it’s interesting and again it’s a

2:12 reflection of wanting to show love and action force someone else right showing showing somehow that you care or as a marker of of love and it makes me think of one of the symbols of Valentine’s Day which is Cupid okay who is often seen as potentially the Greek god eros okay and

2:33 it kind of me do you think about like what is love in the first place is it this little cherub who’s flying around isn’t is it this sort of expression for how we look at other people is it is it just our feelings is there more to it than feeling what are we really talking about right there

2:55 style is amazing yeah Bri put together our own Valentine’s Day cards would you look at our social media accounts with because we mean then you’re saying because it sounds like she was feeling a need that was already there right it’s not like she created Valentine’s Day

3:16 right but filled the need that people had now I’m can I use the more I hope you can see this not but Kirk used an interesting word which was eros which I think a lot of the day seems like are you mentioned the the chair of this this

3:37 idea of like a romantic love is really interesting but I don’t know that’s the only one in the same way you had mentioned earlier that there were kind of different Valentine’s mmm-hmm I think I think it’s a trick question what is love right there’s like a bunch of different loves because we said the one word but there’s so many there’s so many aspects to it because I imagine when

3:57 those first cards are going out and I mean I I don’t know her life but I can’t imagine they were going out to thousands of romantic lovers right I don’t know right so this other one so there’s there’s ludus ludis right which is sort of like the like the like the game of love right this like right that’s it the pursuit or

4:20 just love itself and the whole life there’s different people you have to meet and just these really interesting I I’m not gonna I’m not gonna mention the name of a certain show but imagine if you will that there was say one unmarried fellow bachelor if you will and if there were just saying I don’t

4:41 know I’ve never seen it but let’s say there were a lot of within that there’s interesting ways you interact with people you know what do you say to one versus another in the tone you use and and that these are sort of related but I think it’s really interesting because there’s something about that pursuit right right that that that game is a little harsh but the idea of like the

5:01 machinations is how do you talk about love and the different actions you take there’s a different love languages people talk about I like understanding each other is interesting but beyond that talking about sending those cards out is storge am i pronouncing that correctly I feel it’s a great question

5:22 so it actually comes from research that was done in the 1987 TS in 1980s about affinities and approaches right so there was this researcher called john allen lee who is a researcher and he just did surveys and interviews and found that as you said there’s one word people are

5:42 addressing in english one word that people are addressing love but their approach to it is very different right and so how they not only what they look for but also what they expect it to be right so that a romantic love looks a certain way like maybe your love at first sight you’re struck you’ve got palpitations happening versus you know

6:06 what is it when oh you you’re getting into a relationship or or didn’t know somebody but then you immediately aren’t interested and you’re interested in this other person or these other things and realize that you know sometimes people think of a friendship love is being a much more true love and so he had a few others he had pragma which is approaching love as if it’s like a list

6:27 like a checkoff list like frag Matic exactly like I’ve got a you don’t fit the list that I have right exactly what is a deal breaker right or a must-have right or red flag yeah that’s something off of that list

6:48 so I think they could combine together that’s right there’s also the feeling of mania that this is that real like wild sort of like if I don’t feel like there’s fireworks exploding all of the time – in it passion passionate that’s a good one I think we should talk about what passions on it but earlier also I think a big one that has to do with all

7:10 we’re talking about is agape right sort of a selfless love there are others others philia which is a family and there’s fellows which is like a concept he didn’t have those in his particular story but I think they’re worth saying

7:30 quite literally but I think even connecting to that is interesting right because it’s saying look for a long time we’ve been looking at this simple thing called love that we all see and experience and yet there’s been all of these different approaches to trying to describe it talk about it and look at it right right yeah why do people interact

7:57 the way they do right which brings the big question about society itself right and me what about what do we owe others right how do we deal with other people yes I think it’s pretty clear about the who you may be in a romantic relationship with but all these other ones like what about your fellow Americans what about the other people

8:18 that’s right and so that then I think it’s interesting cuz it’s thinking about love through a civic lens right which which is love in a certain sense if you are acting it could be in your own self-interest but it is thinking of others and how it is that we relate to one another I think is inherent within a civic community and in all communities generally which makes me think of things

8:40 that happened on Valentine’s Day they may be related to sort of civic connections if you will so do you have a few that you want to share both really groups of people that are very near and dear to our heart here at the Institute the first one I want to talk about is as you know Frederick

9:00 Douglass mm-hmm chose his birthday to be February 14th right so he is someone institutionally we celebrate quite a bit because he is an incredible hero in a lot of our eyes but he chose the birthday he chose his birthday on February 14th because apparently his mother used to call him my little Valentine and because he was an NSA

9:22 person he didn’t know his own birthday there was no record of his birth didn’t even know the year so when he when he had autonomy he decided what his birthday would be and he chose Valentine’s right of all the days of the year the days of love and he was a man who deeply loved America ultimately and deeply loved those around them and he

9:42 had an interesting connection with the other group that has a lot to do with Valentine’s Day which is the women’s suffrage movement that’s franchise not only it was the first day where women voted so for 14 1870 wait that sounds like a significant if my math is right

10:04 is that 150 years today Sarah Dini alum young of Nebraska went to Salt Lake City with 25 other women okay cast

10:25 their vote and that was the first time women cast their vote after in the suffrage movement right so there was Prior there’s some New Jersey had some women voting and prior to rights as part of that block of time but that also in in 19 in 1920 the league of women voters

10:50 chose February 14th to be the day of the establishment of the League of Women Voters right six months in advance look at that and a hundred years ago today yeah yeah and important to note yeah that this year marks the 100th anniversary of the ratification of the 19th amendment something that we’ll be talking about a lot this year at the Bill of Rights

11:10 Institute but particularly significant today you’re just joining us and you’re

11:31 on YouTube 14th 2005 is when they registered YouTube right and started accepting video submissions ostensibly 15 years ago today was a dating site

11:53 that’s why Valentine’s Day putting yourself you 2016 people the story so as

12:20 a service to try and help single people in this new Internet age connect with one another they have this very easy upload process but weren’t going for it going for it so they decided to open it up to anyone to put their videos up on the site moderately successful company

12:50 well but I think it’s interesting because again you know we’re thinking about love and romantic love like we were talking about which is which love we may go and celebrate with a significant other today but then also there’s a trend of galentine’s day concept right so celebrating that’s

13:12 right that’s right thinking about you know love and friendship right and right storge there is there is there is a there is a kind of relation that we have that again is being celebrated on today but then also sort of that that the love of country love of place or love of community right in all of these you know they they can be complicated in complex

13:35 so we were making some really good connections just now Wi-Fi connection yeah so thinking about how it is that passion becomes refined to reason right so how is it that you challenge these things because it’s important you know being passionate can fuel things and can be a good motivator but being Prudential about those things I mentioned prudence

13:55 right so is something that is that is thinking through how it is that you accomplish something so it’s it’s being smart or smart far they’re all more being wise about when to be bold or when to be maybe more passive or men when to be delicate or when to be forceful prudence is sort of the guiding virtue

14:16 at least in sort of the classical sense that can that can help direct you through those things yeah that’s good I wrote down the word infatuation because I think that can actually mention the word blind you mentioned you know maybe unwise and I think passion on its own and I’m borrowing this by the way from another researcher by the name Robert Sternberg who took a look at what’s called a triangular view of love and

14:38 we’ll get into what that is but that idea that not only does love have many facets that you need multiple facets for it to be that deeper thing right if you’re if you’re constantly in one state right experiencing you can’t you can’t put yourself in any other position to

14:59 change your behavior absolutely absolutely yeah and and I think you know again civically thinking about our passion for things is great and in channeling that into making changes in our community I think ultimately reflects on our our love of our others within our community

15:19 and that changes and always necessary but just knowing what it is that we are seeing loving appreciating about other individuals and how we can help build a flourishing society I think is is what’s key there yeah and one of the elements that the takes is another part of what Sternberg talks about which is commitment right that commitment to your community has to be tied to this

15:40 right that just feeling a certain way is one thing but you actually have to have action right for love and Sam I have been on its own is not great right because then you happen we’re gonna go down a rabbit hole a little bit here what we call like emptiness of love right just commitment without the passion mm-hmm then is just your doing because you have to write it that’s an interesting word of like duty what how

16:01 do we understand what Duty is yeah and that’s because you said dude duty duty is more than just a simple commitment right it’s a it’s an appreciation of that community and a rural recognition of the things that we ought to do so if we have a duty to serve on jury duty right okay jury duty is thinking about it you know

16:27 you can look at it in two ways you have to go sir do your duty or you know the the bright-eyed bushy-tailed us oh I get to go serve on jury duty but I think both of those works out on the fact that we have juries which is interesting why do we have them well because we believe in this country that you should be judged by a group of your peers right so you should be judged by an impartial group of people who are going to listen

16:49 to evidence being brought forth and then determine your guilt or innocence that’s a pretty amazing thing and so it’s a duty to go and serve on it because you have the opportunity to connect to get to that opportunity I think is what is is is really powerful and gives meaning to you know it’s something you could be passionate about right but it gives

17:09 meaning to that process yeah I mean to me immediately I’m thinking about we were saying earlier we’re voting right voting can be I have to go do this thing whatever but come on I mean the opportunity to do that and to have that opportunity and to take the opportunity and to be excited about that opportunity I mean somebody people had to travel very far under 15 years ago yeah to do

17:30 these things and really fight for it and it seems something that it’sit’sit’s away from duty I think it’s somewhere kind of in the middle here yeah yeah well there’s where the reason comes in to doing something just because it is a duty or doing something just because you’re passionate about it is not oh it’s not that may be a necessary condition but not sufficient for good citizenship right it’s interesting way

17:51 that we use of again talking about words that work reason to have a reason for doing something is it just the logic that you used is passionately no it’s a cause it’s a meaning that comes out of that it’s again it’s serving something outside of yourself right it’s doing something on behalf of others for the betterment of many and that reason comes from just knowledge of I mean I use that

18:13 prudence you said reason you know there’s knowledge of what you’re dealing with who you’re dealing because the more you have that the more I can grow and that’s actually the third part of the of the triangle for Sternberg which is intimacy intimacy is not you know the it’s a family show intimacy just means knowledge of you know I’m your favorite color or your

18:33 favorite potato chip and your birthday and you know I know what voting means and I know and that knowledge and that real consideration I guess is almost a better word for it that like there’s a there’s a connection there that is made yeah I mean intimacy on its own again isn’t is it great we call that liking right you like something like I like to vote but that’s not the same as that

18:55 they like passion to go out and vote or to be part of the community and the commitment to follow through on that thing right but you also need to know what how can I best fit how can I and we use the word around here which is a lot which is you know having to do with like serve others or contribute rights contribution contribution how can I understand my contribution to something

19:16 else whether it’s sending a neighbor a a card we’re voting or any or setting up a brand new platform for video in the many ways you can contribute to write in that again all goes back to love in a way but but right can contribute by giving to charitable organizations or you can contribute by starting a business or you can contribute by becoming involved in the legislative process or in protesting

19:38 and petitioning the government right or just staying apprised of what’s going on in your neighborhood you know or it’s as simple as going and knocking on your neighbor’s door and say will you be my Valentine is that then inherently what the Civic nature of Valentine’s Day is it’s that idea that we’re that it’s a way to form closer

19:59 bonds to those around us so around the country I I remember every single year Valentine’s Day I mean lesser and better Valentine’s Days in elementary school right there’s a there’s a there’s a I

20:19 know we’re going with this yes would get lots of them but that’s still important social feedback for you it’s right what your contribution is to your community or at least the perceived contribution of your community but then like the making of those for your friends was a different kind of civic right he was showing that you took the time even if

20:40 it wasn’t reciprocated that that was something you value yeah I mean my elementary school experience was very much you had to take a moment to consider your classmates in a way and again it wasn’t Mirman I was third grade whatever but it was like what do I think of you you know what turns out when I think about it I’d like you or you know we we have this work in on it together

21:02 we have this experience together that you know you mean something to me which is really interesting cuz it’s a day to say who do these people mean so what what’s unique about American culture that this is something that proliferate so widely right in every school right like there’s I I mean not every school

21:26 but I would assume that the vast majority of schools celebrate Valentine’s Day in one way or acknowledge it in some way acknowledge it with the giving of acknowledgments between students right sometimes are not always that they don’t have much intimacy right there’s some other civic relationship bond that’s being formed there or they have the intimacy of sitting next to each other first yeah at

21:48 this time of year even if it’s your first year in a class you’ve been in there for six seven months at this point you have you know rich kind of interactions with each other so I think they’re the older enforces the kind of civic culture of bond bonding to one another recognizing right value of those around you the idea of a little bit of other centeredness

22:09 right right you’re not doing it necessarily to get one in return you’re doing it because you want to share right your your appreciation of those around you yeah there’s also a recognition of their fundamental equality with you right because because I think you are recognizing that they are also an individual in need of a car

22:32 transactional right it’s sort of like oh we are having this conversation collectively we’re all equal in this conversation but ultimately I think it is about creating those social bonds

22:52 that allow a democratic self-governing Society right be in connection with one another right then allow you to work together towards common good goals yeah and be desirous of hearing those voices to write in in pursuit of attaining that equality that that we are striving for

23:13 so Valentine’s Day is a civic holiday I think checkmark and civic holiday yeah and it’s an interesting thing I mean and I think you know being in the United States it’s something that we reflect on to when we think about the service to

23:33 the country I think that’s often seen as Ryan expression of love we call it service to the country that’s right so there should be some service sacrifice that happens whether it’s time or effort or attention public officials to I mean not only at the federal level but all the way down to local levels local state boards even local community and in the

23:53 homeowners associations and things like that although those you know right are are you know people have opinions about them but but but it is it’s it’s a show of serving on behalf of others in a very democratic sense where all are participating and and in a part of that conversation in recognition of the value that everyone

24:15 gets and I think you know that recognition of value is certainly something worth loving in all the different facets that love is right that you know I imagine that the township and there is something about your we use the word neighbor and there’s no way but like there is all day today some weird you know sort of rise and affection

24:37 anyway and spring isn’t far away because the birds right Jasser taught us so wait

25:01 we’re birds then okay well I think we’ve gotten to why Valentine’s Days is difficult and why love is a part of being in a civic community which i think is very important and the fact that there are many different kinds and but in many different aspects but they all kind of come together and what seems to be weirdly clear for it being so complex

25:21 yeah if someone understands love from their experience yeah yeah and you could have simultaneously love for a person and love for your country at the same time yeah absolutely and it doesn’t need to be blind in either sense right it can be thoughtful and reasoned enemies and passionate and and it’s a it’s a it’s a pretty beautiful thing well and we

25:51 appreciate you joining us and do check out our Valentine’s that we created we think they’re kind of fun a little twist on traditional Valentine’s with love from the Bill of Rights Institute thank you for joining us thanks

26:13 you